I have put my back out. Again.
This has been an ongoing but infrequent issue throughout my adult life – I guess I just have a piss-weak spine. The last time this happened, November-ish last year, I ended up lying on the floor waiting for my housemate to come home and scrape me onto the sofa. Luckily it’s not quite as bad this time, but it nonetheless sees me hobbling around and sucking air through my teeth every time I sit down, or stand up, or stretch. If I move, basically.
Of course, this wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t have a bloody race to run in six weeks, and this afternoon saw my last personal training session at The Stupid Gym, where I had intended to smash through the end of the second week of the much-touted Couch 2 5k programme.
No such luck. They wouldn’t let me run, and instead put me on the cross trainer for half an hour where despite my best efforts I failed to reach the same level of sweating, heart-thumping, air-gasping exhaustion as I do when running, but did manage to increase the stiffness and pain in my back. So I didn’t get to do my desperately-required run, and I just made my back worse. Fail.
And then, to rub salt in the proverbial wound, they took my measurements again and we discovered that my stupid mismatching thighs are still just that: mismatching. ‘Oh well’, laughed Dave, the Ironic Weights Trainer, ‘I guess there are just some things you can’t change.’ And his words were like tiny daggers in my heart, because I am actually trying really blinking hard to change these things.